Creating Boundaries

If you're not used to having very good boundaries, it's really difficult to wrap your mind around how to create them and how to enforce them. (I would know!) 

As a starting point, it's helpful to think about times you were uncomfortable, sad, mad, disappointed, or hurt.

For example: If you remember a time that a partner called you a crappy name during a fight. It really hurt your feelings and it probably caught you off guard. Those feelings - are indicators as to where you need a boundary.

• What will your boundary be?
• What are you going to do if someone crosses that line?

One example of a boundary for this situation could be: "I will not tolerate anyone calling me names during a fight. If that happens, I will remove myself from the situation."

You may even say to your partner, "I know we both want to figure this out. However, I will not tolerate being called names. I'm going to leave for 30 minutes and let things cool down, before we continue this conversation." Then you leave. (Don't say your going to leave and just hang around. LOL) Mean what you say and don't negotiate. Stick to your boundary! 

A boundary is for your comfort. In the moment, you are not trying to make your partner comfortable (you know, the one who is disrespecting you by calling you names.) This is where you need to protect your sanity, self respect and your self confidence. (Don't allow anyone to undermine those things!) 

This is just one of many tidbits I'm happy to teach you! Not all of us grew up learning about boundaries and why they are important. Many of us grew up being "obedient, agreeable, nice people", who didn't know we had the option to stick up for ourselves and demand better treatment. 

If you enjoyed this brief example and would like to learn more - click the button below to continue boundary creation 101.